For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
