i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
