and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
