did you get engaged???
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
