it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
