k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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