I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
