her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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