She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
