What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize