god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
