hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
