I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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