Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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