im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm passing your future prison.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
