Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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