The brown eye won't let me do that either.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
