Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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