I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
