Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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