i just had sex bonerless
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i dont even know how to be here
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
