remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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