either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
