handjob tips. give me some.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My ass is underappreciated
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
