I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
