They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
