check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize