yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
