i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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