My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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