In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
