you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
