oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
