The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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