We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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