My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
organizing the empties. That sober.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Two words: blizzard sex
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
