maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
