i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize