Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
