As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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