Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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