6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
