just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize