hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
