What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
