is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
