You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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