Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The feeling are messing with the penis
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
