uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
