Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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