I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
