Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
