It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
