...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
