Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
