did you get engaged???
why didn't you poke me back
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
