I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
