I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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