Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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