the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
