I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
