i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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