Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
