At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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