Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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