Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
