He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
