Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
