i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
