the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
