My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
