What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
