I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
