ya dads aren't the best wingmen
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
