No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
