I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
