he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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