Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
